Every day we sit next to our work colleagues, chat with friends and catch up with family. We take turns in shouts for coffee and baking cakes for birthdays. We listen to their stories about kids soccer on the weekend and successful fishing trips and plans for Mum’s birthday.
But are we really listening to them?
Are we confident we’d notice signs of low self worth?
And what would we do about it if we did?
As caring work colleagues, friends and family, what can we do to help when their battle with themselves and their sense of low self worth is often hidden and silent? Or in what is an even trickier scenario for us, when their low self worth is being painstakingly disguised by compensatory and challenging behaviours?
Low Self Worth
Low self worth effects us all at some point. We all do that nasty negative self talk at times, dragging our energy and motivation levels down and our physiology and environment along with it. As Human Beings, the only way we truly see something outside of ourselves is to have experienced it or know it within ourselves. The only way we can be aware of low self worth in others then, is because we have experienced it or can identify it somewhere within us.
While low self worth affects all of us at times, some folks do appear rather committed to their concept of low self worth and practice harder at proving themselves right about it. And when we practice something, we get really good at it don’t we? So these folks become really good at thinking and feeling unworthy and bad about themselves. And because the root cause of most of our limiting decisions and beliefs are initiated in childhood, often they have been practicing for a long time.
So what to do to help someone who is so committed to their sense of low self worth and the behaviours they are doing to prove it or hide it?
Because not all of us are qualified and trained in the field of mind and behaviour, helping someone, especially someone we don’t have a particularly close relationship with, can be a big ask. But because their behaviour may be triggering a response within us that we don’t like or enjoy, we feel we need to do something.
I believe that something is Awareness. If someone at work, school or home is bothering you, perhaps the root of it lies in behaviours driven by low self worth? Theirs, yours or both! What if just becoming aware of the small child within yourself and within them were to help?
We all crave LOVE.
We all want to belong.
We all want to feel like we are enough, just as we are.
The thing with folks doing low self worth really well is they, just like us, want these things too.
They just don’t feel worthy of receiving them and often don’t have the skills to get these things in positive and healthy ways.
What if simply becoming aware of this were all it took to give yourself and them a loving and kind break? No grand personal development plans are required yet. Just awareness of low self worth and its role as a driver for behaviour. Do you get a sense of how this awareness makes space for compassion and understanding for yourself and for others?
I believe awareness is the first step of any healing process.
From there, anything is possible!
Turns out I have a lot to say about low self worth – too much for one little blog. So do tune in next week for the rest. Next week I will be talking about specific signs of low self worth. Twenty-two years of working intimately with people as a Therapist and Coach has helped me notice some interesting patterns and certainly has taught me a few things I of course needed to know to heal my own sense of low self worth!
For me, that healing process and development of a strong sense of self worth is your classic Lotus Flower; grounded in mud, reaching for fresh air and sunlight, constantly opening and revealing a soft, vulnerable and beautiful heart.
Until next week friends!
Your Life Changing Coach
GENERATIVE CHANGE is change that builds upon itself.
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