Grief is the price of LOVE.
If we never loved, we would never experience grief.
And although, when in the very depths of our grief we may desperately wish to have never loved in order to spare ourselves this pain, we know in our heart of hearts we do not really mean it.
For how could we wish away all those happier, joyous and healthier times? Times with that lost loved one, best mate or pet, within that ended relationship, finished job or holiday or, in the face of terminal illness, times of good health? We wouldn’t wish that time away would we?
Numbness may provide much needed and even life saving relief from our grief. A Human Being can only bear so much at one time, so to deny our feelings their expression can help keep us sane, initially.
But life IS feeling isn’t it? Life IS LOVE.
Without it we don’t live, we simply exist, like a rock or a bridge. So it is inevitably into our feelings we must venture in order to remember LOVE and then truly live again, despite our grief.
Grief is the price of LOVE and LOVE is indeed very much worth it. Given our time over, we would pay the price of LOVE again and again, because to not have loved, is to not have truly lived. To continue to LOVE, is to truly honour our grief – our lost LOVE – and the time we shared.
Let us honour, the soul, experience or state we mourn by loving and living! Let us make a special forever place within, for that blessing that was our husband, wife, brother, sister, child, pet, relationship or state of being to reside. And then let us take all the time we need to grieve and to mourn the physical absence of these blessings of LOVE in our lives.
How can I help my friends or family with their grieving?
Let them know you are there for them and that they are ok.
Grief is not a single emotion but a non-linear process that includes many emotions, all at once or at different times. Folks who are grieving may be feeling sad, alone, afraid, guilty, relieved, confused, ashamed, hopeless, despair, frustration, vulnerability, lost, anger (hurt), doubt, forgiveness, acceptance…and all this is completely natural and ok.
There is no time frame for grief.
Everyone is on their own schedule and for lots of folks, some of the feelings never go away, they change and feel better, but there is always a little piece of them still honouring their lost LOVE and that is completely ok too.
Often we don’t know what to say and that is ok.
It’s ok to say: “I don’t know what to say”. Just let them know you are someone they can talk to and get support from. Maybe they need your listening more than your talking right now?
Giving of home cooked meals cannot be over rated.
Putting your LOVE into nourishment of their body will help them keep physically strong and healthy when they need it most and your thoughtful generosity will help warm their heart space.
Emulating a good dog is the simplest and best approach.
Just BE there with them; being silent, reliable and loving company and giving them the time and space to do what they need to do, whatever that is, as long as it doesn’t hurt them, you or The Universe. Your choice whether you give their face a good lick or not. You never know, it could be just the lightness and laughter they need right now?
Grief is the price of LOVE and ultimately, is a process of realisation.
Of coming to terms with what now is.
All those pictures and dreams we once had of the future must change because of this loss. And while the process is painful and depressing, with time and the allowing of our LOVE to flow again, there is also opportunity and possibility in our future.
Just remember, Mt Everest is climbed one step at a time. Keep going. Keep faith. It is still a beautiful world. You will get there. You will be ok.
PS. And if you don’t feel ok right now, reach out and talk with someone – it is easier than you think.
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